The Pain of a Hero
by Dana's-Alice
Summary: takes place during season 2 episode 1- just after Jane has accepted her award and shes met amy. Jane is sent home from the scene of the explosion because she isnt cleared for duty, but how will this affect her? will she try to push everyone away or accept that she needs someone? Rizzles EG


It took Jane a moment to realise what had just happened. The sound of the exploding car filled the street, as flames rose from the shell of the car, or at least what was left of it. Then there was a deafening silence that seemed to last for minutes. Before Jane could react in any way to the explosion Casey's arm was wrapped around her pulling her from the back of the car she was in, and into the street that was now alive with the screams of civilians and the shouted orders of the authorities.

Jane tried to stand up herself without being held up by Casey, however as soon as she tried pain ran throughout her body, radiating out from her side. The pain caused her to flash back to her physical and emotion feelings as the bullet tore through her body. Thankfully Casey didn't let her go and so when she stumbled clutching her wound while he continued to pull her away.

"I need to help" Jane tried her hardest to shout her statement but it came out as a mere whisper

"Amy was in that car" Jane whispered the sentence before the emotion of it hit her. Oh god Amy! Even though Jane had only met her for the first time tonight, she had had the upmost respect for her, and she seemed like such a sweet girl full of potential for her life outside of the army.

Jane couldn't believe how selfish she was being, Amy had just been blown up, the other people in her car killed too, people on the street were injured after being hit with shrapnel from the car, and Jane a so called 'Hero' was unable to stand up on her own due to pain and fear, let alone actually be any help to anyone in this situation.

She felt a second pair of arms take her, a much more delicate pair, but just as determined to keep her on her feet.

"Come on Jane, we need to get you out of here" very rarely did Maura take charge of Jane because Jane was incapable of doing it herself, but whenever she did need her Maura was always there, ready to take control.

Maura pulled Jane to a doorstep across the road from the chaos, Jane was still clutching her side as she tried to fight back tears. Everything was happening so quickly and yet it seemed like she had been trapped in this moment forever.

As the two women sat down on the doorstep Maura pulled Jane in close to her, Jane held onto Maura with all the strength that she could. She knew that she was safe in Maura's arms but she could still feel her heard pounding in her chest, sweat was pouring from her, and she could no longer fight back the tears

Jane hated to admit it, but at this moment she knew she was incapable of doing anything, even the thought of having to stand up and make her way home seemed like an impossible task, and so she sunk even further into the arms of her best friend. It was this moment that Sargent Cavanaugh came running in the direction of the two women:

"Dr Isles we need you" he barely even noticed the evident pain or fear that Jane was experiencing. Maura tried to argue against him but he was having none of it

"This is an emergency situation Dr Isles"

Jane shakily stood to her feet using Maura to push herself up

"Sarg let me help" Jane tried her hardest to sound authoritive but her voice broke with ever word due to the pain.

"You haven't been cleared yet Rizzoli, go home" his direct order forced more tears to fall from Jane as a wave of emotion hit her, never had she been sent home because she wasn't capable of doing her job. And she knew as soon as more tears fell that she had lost this battle.

"Frankie take her home, Dr Isles we need you now!" and with that the conversation was over, Maura passed Jane over to Frankie however without letting go of her hand immediately, instead she leant into Jane and whispered

"I'm sorry" before giving her hand a light squeeze and disappearing into the chaos

Jane couldn't believe just how wrong this evening had gone, she hadn't wanted to go in the first place, and now a true hero was dead, many people were scared and injured and Jane was being helped into a police car so that her brother could take her home. She was useless.

XXXX

"Look Jane will you calm down, its not your fault, you just haven't been cleared for duty yet" Frankie tried to calm her down as he entered her apartment, Jane stormed in after him slamming the door behind her.

"not only was I useless Frankie but another officer had to drive me home! Which makes me worse than useless" Jane knew that he was only trying to help but she couldn't help her anger at herself and so his efforts to calm her were making her feel even worse

"Frankie please just go back and help them, you're going to be needed there" as much as her statement was true Jane also couldn't deny just how much she wanted to be alone so she could wallow without anyone trying to convince her that she wasn't useless and that she deserved the title of 'hero'

"But Jane.." he started

"No Frankie! You're a police officer and you're needed! Do you think you'll make it to detective if you stay here with me when they really need all the help they can get?" Jane knew that as soon as she mentioned the position of being a detective Frankie would be willing to leave, because as much as he loved her he desperately wanted to be more than just an officer.

And so he nodded and headed for the door

"If you need anything though..."

"Yes yes ill phone" Jane butted in hoping that he would leave quicker, and much to her delight the door closed behind him. In mere moments after being left alone Jane slumped against the work surface and slid down the cupboard door until she was sat in the kitchen on the floor with one hand on her wound and the other catching her tears as she began to sob uncontrollably

she had never felt so low, she took her hair out the pony tail, kicked off her shoes and sat there wallowing in hatred of her lack of control

'Hero' even just the word made her feel sick, she unpinned the medal she had received and threw it across the room, watching as it landed by the front door.

She placed her hand over the wound that had caused all of this. As she ran her finger over the raised entry scar she was filled with the emotion of the shooting.

Sweat had poured from her at such a rate that her top had stuck to her, clinging to her every move. She had tripped and stumbled as Bobby had walked her out in front of the other officers, his sheer strength the only thing keeping her upright, much like tonight. She was then forced to relive the moment that gained her the position of Hero. Blind panic filled her as she was maneuverer further and further away from the station, and so before she truly knew what she was doing she pulled Bobby's arm down, the true horror of her situation only hit her as the barrel of the gun was forced painfully into her, there was nothing else she could do. And so with a deep inhale she pulled her finger against the trigger, she was so focused on the gun that she could feel the inner mechanism of the gun slid as the shot was fired. the harsh coldness of the bullet could be felt throughout her body. Then came the thud of hitting the ground.

Jane held her knees to her chest as she remembered the shooting again right from the beginning, no matter how hard she wanted to even when just thinking about the shooting, she couldn't change the outcome.

She simply relived the event over and over again, hugging her knees as she sobbed.

XXXX

There was a tiny knock on the door, followed by the small click of the mechanism as the door opened.

Jane looked at her watch, she realised that she had been slouched on the floor for over an hour lost in a repeating memory.

"Jane" the gentle voice called out, "Jane are you here?" concern washed over Maura as she entered the apartment and Jane was nowhere to be seen. She looked down finding Jane's medal, bending down she picked it up and placed it in her pocket for safe keeping. Just before her concern could develop into full blown panic, she heard a grunt from the kitchen just as Jane struggled to her feet. Her eyes were noticeably red from crying, Maura wasn't surprised but it broke her heart to see.

"Maura what are you doing here?" Jane knew that her sentence came out as harshly as she had thought it, from Maura's reaction of surprise and hurt at the tone.

"I came to check… I mean see if you were ok" Maura knew that she had to play this carefully because Jane didn't like people looking after her at the best of times, and so considering it had taken Jane weeks to get back on her feet after the shooting she knew that any sign of weakness or vulnerability would hit her hard.

"Maura you're needed out there!" Jane snapped as she moved away from Maura who had stepped forward to hold her.

"I did all I could for now, I'm not needed until the…. Body, is released to me" tears began to fall from Jane as she thought about Amy's body, just a few hours ago she was a young woman with her whole life ahead of her, she had survived war, even being shot only to come home and be blown up. Emotion was burning within Jane and before she could stop herself she shouted out

"Well you're not needed here either" her words hit Maura with a force she didn't think was possible, Maura stood there completely stunned, she had never seen Jane like this. And although Maura knew that she was only trying to push her away to save her pride, it was working, tears fought their way into Maura's eyes where they stayed for just a moment before taking the plunge and rolling down her cheeks. She deserved better than this, she knew that Jane was hurting but goddamit she deserved more! And so she turned on her heels and headed for the door, without saying anything. Maura pulled the door open but before she could open it enough to get through it a hand forced the door shut with a slight slam.

"Maura…I…I'm sorry, that wasn't true…I just…" Jane started, tears now making their way down her cheeks as well

"It's ok Jane" Maura was obviously still hurt but she knew Jane and she knew that to apologise was a huge step for her.

"No Maura its not ok! None of this is ok! Everyone is saying that I'm a hero, when that couldn't be further from the truth! You managed to save Frankie's life without the proper equipment, under pressure, that's a hero! Amy! She is…was a hero! She was shot and yet she still managed to save her entire squad! What did I do? I got shot… no I shot myself! That's not a hero! And then tonight I managed to walk away without a scratch on me from the explosion and yet a true hero died! How is that ok?!" tears were now streaming from her as she sobbed. Maura knew that she couldn't say anything to make Jane see that to others she was a hero, and so instead of trying she put her arms around Jane and just held her within her embrace.

Jane continued to sob, she couldnt control herself, every deep breath in caused a wave of pain from her lower abdominal yet another sharp and painful reminder of the bullet that tore through her.

Moments had passed with Maura holding onto Jane wishing that she could do something to fix this situation, but all she could do was support Jane through this and wait until she accepted that maybe she was in fact a hero.

Jane began to calm a little, as she pulled Maura in closer to her hugging her back, she couldn't believe that she had shouted at her best friend. Of course Jane needed Maura, there was never a time when she didn't. Jane wanted to apologise properly but embarrassment filled her and so she leant her head on Maura's shoulder turning her head into the slightly shorter woman's neck. The smell of Maura's hair filled Jane's senses as it covered parts of her face.

"Maura. I really am sorry" Jane whispered, her tears had finally stopped

"I know" Maura whispered back, she slowly closed her eyes and continued to whisper "You're a hero to me" Maura felt Jane pull in ever so slightly closer, Maura assumed it was down to embarrassment, or as her way of saying thank you. Maura lightly kissed the top of Jane's head, Jane smiled and lightly kissed the crook of Maura's neck. She felt Maura smile as her soft lips met her neck. Without any thought Jane leant back in and kissed slightly higher up Maura's neck, Maura's embrace on Jane tightened ever so slightly, and so Jane placed another light kiss on the bare skin, and again. Each kiss working its way up Maura's neck until Jane was kissing her cheek, Maura couldn't help but moan ever so slightly as Jane continued, Maura's whole body tingled as Jane's lips met her skin

Jane smiled when she realised that Maura's eyes were already closed, and then with complete confidence she captured the other woman's lips, the kiss was soft, but only for a moment, because Jane pulled Maura in tight to her and lightly bit the bottom of Maura's lip. Causing Maura to groan, Jane decided to take advantage of this and slipped her tongue between Maura's lips. As the kiss deepened Jane pushed Maura back against the door that only moments ago she was trying to leave through.

Even as Maura's back met the door Jane continued to move in closer, until one of her legs was firmly between Maura's legs, which forced Maura's leg between her thighs. Jane couldn't help herself and began to grind against the thigh against her core, sending waves of pleasure throughout her body, Maura took example from Jane and joined in with the rhythm of movement. Both women synchronised their movements and their groaning.

Jane broke off the kiss for just a moment as she took off her own top and discarded the awful police issued shirt on the floor before leaning back in to the highly charged kiss.

Maura couldn't believe just how forward Jane was being, until she realised just how helpless Jane must have felt during the explosion. Jane wanted control. This whole situation that was unfolding between them was just Jane's way of gaining control. And Maura wasn't going to take that away from her, she couldn't deny that she had often thought about her raven haired friend, obviously not like this, in Maura's fantasies Jane was undressing Maura because she wanted her, she needed her. But right at the moment Jane needed to feel in control, but even if Maura wanted to she knew she wouldnt be able to stop grinding herself against Jane's thigh. And so Maura slid one of her hands up Jane's bare back and entangled her fingers in the hair that she loved so much, whist her free hand effortlessly unclasped Jane's bra, slid it down her arms, freeing her chest and threw it from the action.

Maura pushed back against Jane, pushing her towards the couch, Jane used Maura's control as the perfect time to unzip her dress, allowing Maura to effortlessly step out of it as it pooled on the floor around her ankles. Jane took a moment to appreciate the way that Maura's white lace bra hugged at her chest, before she easily unclasped it and regained the control, by turning Maura and forcing her down on the couch.

Maura couldn't help but moan as she hit the cushions and felt Jane's bare chest make contact with hers as she slid on top of her. The kiss between them was electric; they were lost in an intense kiss of pleasure and the need for more. Jane pulled back from the kiss allowing her to undo her trousers and slide them off. Both women pulled the other in capturing them once again in the kiss that was causing their centres to throb.

Jane began to push Maura's white lace underwear from her body, Maura knew that as soon as they were gone a level of friendship would have been crossed forever, and for a moment started to think about the consequences, until she felt Jane's hand brush against her inner thigh to remove the underwear. The contact sent Maura's mind into overload and so instead of worrying about what may happen she started to pull Jane's underwear from her too.

Maura blushed ever so slightly when her underwear was left to fall on the floor next to Jane's pair. Even though they had changed together many times Maura had never seen Jane completely naked, and she couldn't help but feeling exposed herself, until Jane's hand ran up Maura's inner thigh. Jane's lips met Maura's just as her fingertip began to circle Maura's wetness.

Maura moved her hand up to meet Jane's core, she imitated the same movement as Jane. Both women were moving to the same rhythm. Gasps filled the room, as the rhythm increased. Both women began to sweat with the heat of the movement. There was no romance in their movements, but what it lacked in beauty and sensitivity it made up for it passion and desire.

Neither Jane nor Maura knew how close they were, their bodies seemed to be going into overload, each of them making more intense circling motions as they started to climb to their moment of satisfaction; their breathing hitching as they began to reach their climax.

Maura reached the edge first, Jane not far behind her. both women held onto the other as they convulsed and moaned through their forceful orgasms,

"Jane! Ohh Jane" Maura couldn't help but call out her name as she pulled Jane in closer, holding herself against the neck of the woman on top of her.

neither of them could control their breathing, even after the movements stopped and their shaking bodies began to relax they couldn't catch their breath.

Jane moved off Maura, and to the side of her, Maura put her arm around her. Jane hesitated to cuddle in, but after a moment she decided not to fight her want to be close. And so she nestled her head onto Maura's shoulder, Jane smoothly pulled the blanket from the back of the couch over both of them, but slid her hand back under the throw, placing her arm across Maura's bare stomach.

Silence filled the room, considering the electric that had flowed just moments ago the silence seemed heavier than usual, until Jane tried to speak.

"Maura… about what happened…about this…" Jane had no idea how to explain her feelings about what had happened, and so Maura tried to help

"Jane, its ok, I know that after…today, you needed someone… you needed control" the end of her sentence was but a whisper.

Jane pulled up from her friend's shoulder

"what?! You thought I was using you for control?" Jane looked hurt, she couldn't believe Maura thought that she was using her for physical control

"if that's what you thought why did you go along with it?" Jane's hurt now turned to confusion

Maura didn't answer, she couldn't tell Jane the reason she had gone along with it was because she had thought about her best friend in this light for some time now, that she watched her when they were at crime scenes together, because Jane was so cute when she was being professional, that when the pair changed together she couldn't help but sneak a glimpse at the detective's toned stomach or the definition across her back. Maura's mind began to race with things that she couldn't admit to thinking, fear washed throughout her that if Jane knew just how often Maura had to fight the urge to kiss her that she would freak out and their friendship would never be the same again.

And so her silence continued, confirming Jane's fears that Maura thought Jane only wanted her as a result of the horror she had been put through with the explosion.

"Oh Maur" Jane spoke softly whist stroking the bare skin of Maura's side, where her hand had still been resting:

"I did feel useless earlier, and I did want to have some control over the situation, but that…this wasn't just to be in control, if anything Maur it was a way of fighting the need for control. Everyday I see that everything can be taken away from people so quickly but today it really hit me… and so I realised that I had to stop holding back and show you how I felt…before it was too late" Jane couldn't believe how much she was talking, her words poured from her, until a silence filled the room again giving Jane a moment to come to terms with just how open she had been with both Maura and herself, she couldn't help but feel slightly nauseous by her openness, what if Maura freaked out, what if Maura had only thought it was a one time thing, purely physical and now knowing all this she couldn't help herself but leave as quickly as possible.

But Maura was smiling, a soft smile, completely natural, as she leant in and gently kissed Jane. This kiss was nothing like the ones that had come before; this one was pure and romantic, Maura could feel Jane smiling as they kissed, both women relieved that the other hadn't freaked out and left; risking their friendship and closeness.

Maura pulled back from the kiss ever so slightly to whisper

"thank you" although this thank you could have been for a number of reasons Jane just knew that it was because Maura too had been fighting these feelings, and now no longer had to.

Jane cuddled back into Maura's shoulder and neck, just as she did she realised that she hadn't felt pain in her side since she had first hugged Maura, she couldn't help but smile at the thought that Maura actually stopped her feeling pain. Both women held each other in their arms, and without effort both drifted off into a soft slumber, leaving the horrific event of today behind them and instead focusing on the thought of waking up together in the morning still in the same safe embrace.

_**only a short one this time, but will try to upload a longer one soon :) hope you enjoyed x**_


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